Tuesday, October 20, 2009

On that Particular Saturday! -a dream came true!

I realised i wasn't dreaming after a good  few hours..
It came at the least expected time..

Remembered onthe day before:
 Friday evening prayer meeting , i was praying at riverwalk and i wrote in my organiser this:
" God, i want to be a CGL by the end of this year".
I was praying so loudly: not for becoming a CGL but for W513 to grow! 
Lo and Behold, i got it the next day.
I truely believe God hear our prayers!
I have been Promoted to CGL!


Just like what this book suggests : Never give up!
My desire is to become a cell group leader since 2006 when i was studying in Pre -U 1 at Millennia Institute.
I so wanted it that i wrote really BIG on a piece of paper and stick it in my room so that i can remind myself always. By then, i was filled with a passionate desire to be one.

However, this desire did not last. My initial passion died out after having tested out when i took the initial group N351 temporary. I kept on telling myself that i'm not able to do it and begin to have doubt that i will ever become one or God chose the wrong person.

Above that, i created many golden calfs for myself. the wait was too long. I throw in the towel after a few months. I got into relationship thats not helping me in my spiritual walk with God. Instead, it brought me down the hill and thoughts of backsliding flashed across my mind. I remembered the weeks that i dragged myself to church when i feel so dry and empty inside when the relationship ended.

At that time, God seems to be the bad guy. However, something inside the holy spirit kept on telling me that God is a Father of second chance. i faced challenges especially fears of people's opinion of myself, the challenge of knowing God all over again in my walk. Deep inside my heart, i know that i need to recover from my fall.

I totally ignored the calling to become a CGL becuase i felt i truely don't deserve the love of God. but i was wrong, God is never a God of condemnation. To prove that i was disappointed with myself, i wish to show you the piece of paper that i wrote, but i have since tore it into pieces 2 years ago when i thought this desire has already been shattered.

I can still remember vividly how it looks like and the exact position on which i pasted it. Months pass, when people around me asked: do you still want to become a cell group leader. My response was No. I admitted defeat. Instead of chasing after his calling for me, i totally rejected it and ignored it.

Until one saturday during one of the cg meeting at Joseph's house. I had a vision from God, I saw Jesus Holding my hand, bringing me up onto a mountain cliff and overlooking a wide horizon of the ocean.
He asked: Did you see the wide ocean and all the fishes?
My response: yes.
He asked: Are u willing?
My response: Pause for a moment, being practical i wanted to calculate the cost but i can't (beyond measures) Yes, I'm willing.
Tears rolled down my cheeks like Tap Water running.
I want to lay down my life once again for the kingdom of God.

I coudn't put this feeling aside, knowing that something is about to happen.

Slowly, i yielded myself to the Lord everyday to know Him more and to love Him even more everyday.
the following week, I went to Leaders meeting on sept 2008. i thought i was near. but by far, let me tell you, i was not. The training started when i went to LM.

Months passes, i enrolled myself into SOT 2009 to be equip with the word of God.
I got my Personal CG W513!

Today, I'm Proud to say I'm the Cell group leader of W513!

ALong these 6 months, I fought one of the toughest battles in my spiritual walk.
I was transffered to Jurong West.
Because all my buddies especially N415 is in Expo- i so wanted to see them on a sunday.
Many things, i learn to handle it on my own with God when i don't have friends around.
I learnt to make decisions.
I learnt to expand my capacity to cope with many things at one go.
etc.. etc.. etc.. etc..

Along the journey, God has never failed me. But instead, He showed himself strong when i was weak.
He was make perfect in my weaknesses.

Believing to go greater heights with God! :)

By far, i really wanna thank a few people here that sow into my life.

To my beloved ex CGL: Joseph Kwek
Thank You for loving me! You're an amazing leader. i caught many thinngs from your leadership and the way you love people. Your life is an inspiration to me and i believe for many of us! your tireless efforts of meeting me, giving me BS, visiting and encouragement etc.. If not because of you, i might not be able to be who I am today!

Once again, thank you so much!

To my beloved Ex CGL: Pingying
Thank so much for loving me into the kingdom. You're the one that put a cross junction in my life before i ruined it totally. U really set a a good foundation for me because  i did not leave the house of God even when i  feel like doing so especially when all the golden calfs crashes.

To my ZS: Edmund Tay
Thank you for believing in me despite of all my past.
YOu're an amazing leader that teaches me to love people the way Jesus love us.
You're truely an inspiration to me.

To my subzone leader Amber Tan
I know only been a few months. but from you, i learnt about how one soul truely matters.
The consequences of our actions might affect the lost souls out there.
Thank you for loving n supporting me!
the jiayous that you have said to me.
Thank you so much.

Last but not Least to all my friends that have been cheering me on:
Karen
Santy
Stephanie
Belinda
Lester
Yanming
Sandy
Seowshi
Trina
Bryan
Tianyi
Cecilia
Wendy
Eileen
Clarence
W513
and those that i did not mentioned, You know who you are!
THANK YOU so much! :)

FOR all: NEVER GIVE UP!

4 comments:

kailin said...

awesome post. blessed by it! :)

Joycelyn said...

Thanks Kailin! :)

Wenya said...

Congrats on your promotion babe! :)

ED said...

Well done!

So proud of u for not giving up!